Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Managing Difficult People with Steps 7 to 8

by DrJudy on

Managing difficult people and dealing with difficult people in your life can be a real battle.  In several previous posts we discussed Managing Difficult People Steps 1 to 2Steps 3 to 4 and Steps 5 to 6. In this post we will look a little more closely at two further steps in the 12 Steps in planning and preparation for managing difficult people.  Here are the Steps 7 to 8…

STEP 7 IN LOOKING FROM THE OUTSIDE IN ON THE SITUATION

Try and step back and look at the situation from the outside looking in.  Difficult people can drive you to drink, so looking on as if you were an observer can be very helpful.  This will help you see the bigger picture in dealing with difficult people. 

Looking from the outside in allows you to work at seeing a wider perspective in the overall situation.  It also helps to you to detach a bit more emotionally from the situation and relationship with this person.  You can then start to think a bit more clearly about what you are going to do about the situation as if you were separate from the circumstances and able to give unemotional advice.

STEP 8 IN CHOOSING YOUR BATTLES VERY CAREFULLY

Too many of us in managing difficult people go into battle over everything.  This increases your anxiety, stress and frustration.  Decide carefully what issues you need to pursue and what you just need to let go.  Sometimes in dealing with difficult people, you see everything they do in a negative light.  You are then constantly fighting battles with them about everything.

SMALLER ISSUES THAT DID NOT BOTHER YOU

Smaller issues you would otherwise easily let go, now become part of a constant battleground.  Behavior in others that you would ignore, become a focus for you with this particular frustrating person.  So be determined to only choose the most vital and important battles to pursue.  Make sure to choose only a few well defined battles and not react to everything.

FURTHER IDEAS COMING IN HANDLING DIFFICULT PEOPLE

There are more ideas to come. In our next post we will discuss more steps from the 12 steps for you in managing difficult people.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Kathleen September 21, 2010 at

Hi Judy,

The small group of ladies in the Creative Quilters’ Club is without me for awhile. My solution in dealing with the very difficult person in this club was to just not go to the meetings for awhile.

I have been going to another quilt group that is an hour’s drive away from the town where I live. I have made some close friends there in less time than I belonged in the other closer group.

Right now, I am planning radiation appointments each day for 5 days at a time for 6 weeks and 3 days for ridding myself of a re-occurence of cancer. Thank you for this recent idea of staying unemotional and viewing the bothersome person from the inside of the situation.

Thanks, Kathleen

DrJudy September 21, 2010 at

Hi Kathleen,

I am sorry to hear that you had to leave the group but also glad to hear that you have joined another group.

If a group allows negativity to continue to develop and not deal with it, then sometimes the best decision is to leave and take care of yourself.

And taking care of yourself right now should be your absolute priority with what you will be dealing with – look after yourself and be kind to yourself during this process.

Regards

Judy

Dr Judy Esmond

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