Thursday, July 24, 2014

Dealing with Difficult People and Why You Cannot Really Change Them

Are you Dealing with Difficult People? Well, in recent times, many new subscribers who have signed up at the website for their Free Guide on Dealing with Difficult People have been asking very similar questions about their own difficult situations.

SIMILAR DEALING WITH PEOPLE QUESTIONS

For example, Harriet (name altered to maintain anonymity) asks – however much I do for my partner, it never seems to be enough, he is never happy. What can I do to change this?

John (name altered) wants to know – how do I change the behavior of my supervisor who is very temperamental?

Ann (name altered also) asks – how can I get other family members to see things differently and change from being so rigid and uncompromising?

These are all good questions from people who are obviously dealing with difficult people and their difficult behaviors.

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE

People in both your personal and working life may display behavior that’s oafish, argumentative, fractious, impolite, aggressive, loutish, ill-mannered, troublesome, picky and our list could go on. These people can be your cranky partner, your finicky family member, your difficult boss, your tedious co-worker, your fastidious friend, your bothersome neighbor and many others.

SO WHAT DO ALL DIFFICULT PEOPLE HAVE IN COMMON?

But really what do all these people and their difficult behaviors have in common? And how do these difficult people relate back to the questions asked previously by Harriet, Ann and John? The answer is discovered in the word CHANGE.

CHANGE AND HANDLING DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Let’s look at a brief definition of the word change. In this circumstance it could mean: “to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone” (Random House Dictionary, 2009).

It’s time to become really clear on one matter when you’re dealing with people generally and especially difficult people. Because the never pleased partner of Harriet, the temperamental boss for John, the inflexible family members for Ann and the difficult people who are in your life – you in reality CANNOT CHANGE THEM.

YOU CANNOT CHANGE ANOTHER PERSON’S BEHAVIOR

You cannot change another person. You can’t modify, alter, convert or change some other person. The person responsible for making changes to their behavior is all of the time the person that owns that behavior. When you realize that each and every individual makes their own choices about their behavior it can really be a enormous relief for you. You can now stop attempting to accept responsibility to change the behavior of some other person.

YOU CAN INFLUENCE OTHER PEOPLE

And so if you can’t really change some other person and their behavior what could you do? The most you are able to ever aim to do in coping with other people is to attempt to INFLUENCE their behavior. You can sometimes influence and persuade other people regarding their behavior however it’s up to them to ultimately change that behavior. If an individual chooses to be an unhappy partner, a temperamental boss or an inflexible family member then ultimately that’s their decision.

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE METHODS

Now you are able to learn and acquire a whole array of strategies to deal with your responses to difficult people and their behaviour. As frequently once you alter your own responses to these people you can influence their responses and how they act towards you.

BUT HOW DO I CHANGE MY RESPONSES TO THEM?

Therefore whenever you’re attempting to deal with difficult people and their behavior, don’t ask yourself – how can I change this person? Alternatively, ask yourself, how can I change my own responses and reactions to this person? How may I influence their behavior?

THE POWER IN YOU RESPONDING TO OTHERS

Right away you have switched your energies from the unproductive task of attempting to change another person, to focusing on looking after you and how you respond. You’re no longer carrying the duty of changing their behavior on your shoulders, you’re centering on how you respond to their behavior. Therefore stop seeking to change other people. The person must want to change and make an endeavor to do so. Instead, focus on your own responses and sometimes but not always, you’ll then influence their behavior towards you.

EVEN MORE IDEAS ON DEALING WITH THOSE DIFFICULT PEOPLE

To get you started on still more ideas on how you’ll be able to respond to these difficult people I invite you to download a complimentary copy of my book Dealing with Difficult People Guide by signing up to your right.

© Dr Judy Esmond. This article may be shared with others on the understanding that it remains intact and credit is given to the author and included is the website link http://www.dealingwithdifficultpeople.com

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